Since my last post in early Feb an awful lot has happened, which begs the question why haven’t been updating my blog?! 🤔 I suppose the honest answer is that it’s just not top of my priority list and to be honest the increase in meds has had more of an effect on my ability to concentrate than I’d originally thought, and everything has taken its toll on me. Basically the last month have been consumed by
- A couple of neuro appointments to plan next steps
- Filling out what feels like a never ending set of forms associated with my future plans
- Helping my mum with her property purchase
- Doing my half whole time equivalent hours at work – which will come as no surprise to anyone that have been somewhat more than half WTE, but really interesting projects
None of this I mind in anyway, but by the end of the day I am finding I’m just so knackered mentally. Falling asleep playing Xbox has become a bit of a habit – that’s my excuse for dying so many times and not lack of skill in the game! 🤣
Ok, so let’s expand on those a bit …
Mum’s property purchase
Mum, I know you’ll read this, so please know that it is not a moan. You’ve done so much for me over a whole lifetime, and I am more than happy to do my little bit back for you to help with this. Nor is it a criticism of my wonderful big sister for leaving the “business” side of things to me. All I am saying is my poor little brain feels a bit fried at the end of the day. 🙄
So yes, when mum decided it was time to make a move after 20+ years in her current place, things moved very rapidly and I’ve been making a couple of trips a week to Salisbury to go over things, reading contracts etc etc. Physically and mentally tiring, but so gratifying to see mum so happy with her decision and, as I said above, to be able to put my business brain to use and give something back to such a special person. 😘
Neuro appointments
Ruth and I had a call with Mr Mundil a couple of weeks ago to discuss the surgery options. I had pretty much made my mind up I’d give surgery another shot unless he told us anything that scared me off. We talked through a few device options – the Boston Scientific, the Nevro, and a Medtronic one. As I mentioned before, there is a slight worry that the high frequency stimulation of the Nevro will cause over-stimulation. The Medtronic is a closed system, so if it doesn’t work well enough, the only options would be to just switch it off and leave it, or replace the whole thing including the paddle in my neck again, and I don’t think I’d want to put myself through that again. We were therefore leaning towards the Boston device. Whilst working in a similar way to my current Abbott device, if it doesn’t provide a decent level of relief, the paddle can still be used for the Nevro, and thus only the generator would need replacing – a far less invasive procedure carried out in clinic rather than theatre. He suggested I take a couple of weeks to have a think, read the brochures he’d send me, and then we’d have another call.
I have to admit the Medtronic device looked extremely clever when I read the info. Then again I did wonder if that was the geek in me reading about the extra bells and whistles it had. 🤔 By the time Ruth and I went back to see Mr Mundil on Tuesday, I’d pretty much made my mind up to follow his lead and go with the Boston and have the option of changing to the Nevro if needed.
When we went for the appointment Mr Mundil explained the conversations he’d had with each of the companies about my case. I felt really positive about the Boston and Medtronic, but less so the Nevro. In fact I ended up feeling like the Nevro was unlikely to be much of an option for swapping out with the Boston if the latter wasn’t doing what we hope. At the same time, the new Medtronic device sounded like it had way more flexibility in terms of potential changes to the configuration over time. When I say the “new” device, this is an enhanced version which is due out at the end of March. It delivers stimulation the same way the current one does, so it’s not like I’ll be a guinea pig, but it records what is going on – what signals it’s getting back from my nerves. If I keep a note of when I’m having good or bad spells, the team can match those back to the recordings of the device and use that to determine how best to tweak the device to deliver better stimulation tailored to my body. Mr Mundil said the after care from all the companies was excellent so that shouldn’t be a factor. We seemed to be all concluding that the Medtronic was the one to go for, but he said I should take another week or so to digest what we’d discussed and let him know which I wanted to go with. In the meantime he was getting me pencilled onto his theatre list for April 18th, although that might have to be pushed back to 10th or 16th May.
A big change in my life
I mentioned above that I’ve been working rather more than 50% of my hours, and also that I seem to be forever filling in forms. Well in many respect the two are quite closely related.
Work wise I’ve got more heavily involved in a couple of our big systems projects from a more detailed technical level than I typically have for several years. This is partly because of the phases they’ve got to, and my particular skills and experience, but also because I’ve wanted to impart as much knowledge as I can, and steer them in the right direction before I finish. Initially that was in terms of finishing for another spell of surgery and recovery, but in the period between the two appointments with Mr Mundil, something happened that wasn’t unexpected – not from a perspective of not expecting it at all, but rather not expecting it just yet and not expecting it to take the form it did. That brings me onto the form filling.
First of all, having sought some advice and reflecting on my current physical and mental state, I decided to re-apply for Personal Independence Payment again. I think I painted too much of a rose tinted glasses view of how my condition affects me when I last did this, and so have tried to paint a picture of how it really is. I find this hard because a) I don’t like dwelling on the negatives and would rather focus on the positive things I can still do, even if that is living in denial of reality sometimes, and b) I hate feeling like I’m asking for pity, and the PIP form makes me feel like that.
The other form filling, along with seemingly endless calls round different people and making tough decisions is to do with my future – a truly life changing decision. I’ve felt like writing about this before but haven’t because of the impact it might have on colleagues and in particular those I manage, many of whom have worked for me for over 20 years. For a number of months now work and I have been putting an application together for ill health retirement, and I heard last week that the application had been accepted. Consequently, when I finish for surgery I will in fact be finishing for good. My official leaving date will be 28th April, but in reality I’m likely to finish before then given the planned date of 18th for surgery. 😮
The last couple of days have been really tough as I’ve worked my round telling various people who need to know. The toughest of all was telling my teams yesterday. I’ve had some lovely messages back from people though, which has been amazing, although has meant it’s been an emotional couple of days. 🤗 It has really brought it home how sad I am to be leaving, but at the same time, replaying my reasons for retiring to others has only helped reinforce that I’m doing it for the right reasons and at the right time. The number of people who have thanked me for giving them a career and not just a job, for giving them the freedom to try things out, push some boundaries, but be there to help steer them has been fantastic as that has been all I’ve wanted to do as a manager. To read/hear that they are doing the same with their teams and seeing the benefits makes me chuffed. 32+ years has definitely been well spent. 😀
So back to these bloody forms! I’ve mentioned how tough it is conveying the reality in the PIP application – which is still paper based by the way 🤦♂️ – it turns out filing the claim for my pension is also quite arduous, and also paper-based – it’s the bloody 21st century people! 🙄
And so dear readers, you are up to date. If all goes to plan, in 7 weeks I will be in hospital recovering from neurosurgery number 4, and eight weeks tomorrow, I will be a pensioner – albeit a very young one. 😜